secret secret

Lately I have been feeling more private about my work and constrained by the public access to my blog. I would like to write more personally, more dirty, more raw. My only option to do this in a way that felt good as an artist and as a person who considers writing my career was to charge for a subscription.

If you are still reading and interested in reading the meatier stuff, please consider becoming a subscriber to my blog. You can paypal alysia dot angel at gmail dot com  with a one time ever fee of $50. It gets you a personal to you password and lifetime access to my online work. I strongly encourage people to contact me if that amount feels like a hardship. I am always looking for trade from folks with strong editing skills to finesse my pieces.

Love.

impossible to tell

sitting on your well worn porch

i am surrounded by succulents 

we talked on my back porch that time

about how much we admired 

how we wanted to 

surround ourselves 

with their spiny bodies

my hand on your thigh

your hand fluffing your 

impossibly thick forest

of hair

you laughed real cute

when i said 

what i love most

about them is their

inability to be killed

by the thoughtless 

their absolute desire to 

stretch languidly in the sun

and where many would perish

they live on to tell the lore

of their families before them

you said

you could never be a cactus

while i picked collected 

dust out of your comely quills 

i said 

try being a rose instead 

i am sure there was a parachute

when love is the way
your breath creates a mingled fog
while each holding up a mirror
with your backs against another
fingers intertwined
when love is the way
you drag your eyes across the room
to look at everything, anything, the most
mundane things
avoiding their flame
feeling the prickly feeling
of a sunburn on your face
when love is the way
you carefully choose
each syllable
of each word
chess game intensity
making static between
sentences
so much it shocks
both of you
when love is the way
you use fondness
like a caress
in a lighthearted way
as if you were
complimenting
their garden
as if it bloomed
with such a fierceness
all by itself
when love is the way
of morning birds
not even bothering
to hide their secrets
while balanced
on a wire

wings made of paper

you
perpetually curled into your
horny shell
slow
slow
slowly
inching along
i tried all of
my best magic
such as
using my special
whistle
the one that
once made a field
of flowers sway my way
then i tried singing
in every language i know
painting my
vocal chords
with gold
so that only the
very regal songs
would find you
i called upon
the forest creatures
in your path to
charm you
welcome you
show you how
to love
but
your direction
never faltered
your soft mollusk
body
dark glittering shell
sweet honey soul
eyes on the ocean
never on me

one more thing

every single time
i hold my hands
over my mouth
i think of you
in the dark
rolling a joint
while humming
a nonsense
perfect
tune
when i watch
people racing
towards their
important life
i think of your
ever pensive body
perpetually curled
into a slight bow
how your languid
cowboy way
infuriated everyone
but never me
when i sneak out
in the middle of the night
leave my shadow sleeping
i think about your
secret book of escape plans
i swore i would never read it
but i did
now you’re houdini
me left with your collection
of ropes

 

 

 

 

 

 

if you shove a backbone inside it

genius daughter
i taught myself to whistle
in the summer of 1977
sitting barefoot in underpants
on the motel room stoop
another gritty day gone
momma didn’t care none
baby cried himself to sleep
no one but me and the neon sign

blink

blink

blinking

i could read then
but vacancy
was something felt
not read
that red hot
vacancy
is what made me squint
into the frog croak of a night
pucker my lips
curl my tongue
behind
my crooked
bottom
baby teeth
(blow)
drooling on my dirty chin
until a faint
spit soaked
weak little
whistle
burst out of my lungs
into the sweaty
dark place
i called
home
for one night

i never found a candle

there will be days
where all you do is
birth tears
each one carefully
caught in your
shaking hands
you will count each one
carefully
in case one goes missing
(good mothers count)
you will line them up
on your window sill
at the end of the day
fingertips nudging them
until they
bob
against one another
aboard the largest ship
they will ever sail
as you pretend to sleep
your tears will
grow restless
press against one another
become one wailing orb
in the morning you will
pluck them from the sill
swallow them whole
grief made a baby
again

crepe myrtle blues

there will be a time
when all of the sparrows
will fly from your tree
you will feel the absence
of their hollow boned
ever so slight
heaviness
on your limbs
you will watch them
boughs creaking
sap crystalizing
papery leaves
crying a tornado
on the ground
though you will
wish it was for a season
the creeping black bruise
up your side
says different
when all of the sparrows
soar up into the heavens
until they are the tiniest
perfect letter v
you can finally break
off in chunks of
hysterical madness
as the ants
come for your
flesh

you own it now

in the middle of each tooth
is a story
grown in the silty place
where baby teeth
became corpses
buried deeply
in the backyard
where no one
knows
me
knows they
are there
knows
their original
secrets
how many careless
bare feet
slugs and snails
god damn stink bugs
have crawled around
the shame of being a girl
in body
that thought it was
a phoenix

honestly honest

there are gasps
of you
in the cracks
of my
window
every so often
you will sigh
through them
all dark and stormy
like the time your
words words words
curled up into one
another
under the super moon
even then
you were a much
better a shadow
than a sun spot
sometimes
i feel
around for you
pat my pockets
peer into cupboards
call into the hollow
of your favorite
wicked trees
i walk into
the darkest
evenings and
at the end of a
long path
my shadow spindles out
and you are there too
a perfect midnight breeze
lifting my hair up
just enough
to make me forget

 

 

 

 

sexy seconds of you

the sun
the sun is
the sun is directly
the sun is directly in
the sun is directly in my
the sun is directly in my eyes
the sun is directly in my eyes and
the sun is directly in my eyes and i
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel you
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel you in
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel you in my
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel you in my soul
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see my own eyelashes
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your heartbeat
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your cadence
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your berth
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your love
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see you
the sun is directly in my eyes and i
the sun is directly in my eyes and
the sun is directly in my eyes
the sun is directly in my
the sun is directly in
the sun is directly
the sun is
the sun