secret secret

30 Apr

Lately I have been feeling more private about my work and constrained by the public access to my blog. I would like to write more personally, more dirty, more raw. My only option to do this in a way that felt good as an artist and as a person who considers writing my career was to charge for a subscription.

If you are still reading and interested in reading the meatier stuff, please consider becoming a subscriber to my blog. You can paypal alysia dot angel at gmail dot com  with a one time ever fee of $50. It gets you a personal to you password and lifetime access to my online work. I strongly encourage people to contact me if that amount feels like a hardship. I am always looking for trade from folks with strong editing skills to finesse my pieces.

Love.

Image

i never found a candle

25 Aug

there will be days
where all you do is
birth tears
each one carefully
caught in your
shaking hands
you will count each one
carefully
in case one goes missing
(good mothers count)
you will line them up
on your window sill
at the end of the day
fingertips nudging them
until they
bob
against one another
aboard the largest ship
they will ever sail
as you pretend to sleep
your tears will
grow restless
press against one another
become one wailing orb
in the morning you will
pluck them from the sill
swallow them whole
grief made a baby
again

crepe myrtle blues

28 Jul

there will be a time
when all of the sparrows
will fly from your tree
you will feel the absence
of their hollow boned
ever so slight
heaviness
on your limbs
you will watch them
boughs creaking
sap crystalizing
papery leaves
crying a tornado
on the ground
though you will
wish it was for a season
the creeping black bruise
up your side
says different
when all of the sparrows
soar up into the heavens
until they are the tiniest
perfect letter v
you can finally break
off in chunks of
hysterical madness
as the ants
come for your
flesh

you own it now

26 Jul

in the middle of each tooth
is a story
grown in the silty place
where baby teeth
became corpses
buried deeply
in the backyard
where no one
knows
me
knows they
are there
knows
their original
secrets
how many careless
bare feet
slugs and snails
god damn stink bugs
have crawled around
the shame of being a girl
in body
that thought it was
a phoenix

honestly honest

25 Jul

there are gasps
of you
in the cracks
of my
window
every so often
you will sigh
through them
all dark and stormy
like the time your
words words words
curled up into one
another
under the super moon
even then
you were a much
better a shadow
than a sun spot
sometimes
i feel
around for you
pat my pockets
peer into cupboards
call into the hollow
of your favorite
wicked trees
i walk into
the darkest
evenings and
at the end of a
long path
my shadow spindles out
and you are there too
a perfect midnight breeze
lifting my hair up
just enough
to make me forget

 

 

 

 

sexy seconds of you

22 Jul

the sun
the sun is
the sun is directly
the sun is directly in
the sun is directly in my
the sun is directly in my eyes
the sun is directly in my eyes and
the sun is directly in my eyes and i
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel you
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel you in
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel you in my
the sun is directly in my eyes and i feel you in my soul
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see my own eyelashes
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your heartbeat
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your cadence
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your berth
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your love
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see your
the sun is directly in my eyes and i see you
the sun is directly in my eyes and i
the sun is directly in my eyes and
the sun is directly in my eyes
the sun is directly in my
the sun is directly in
the sun is directly
the sun is
the sun

no more pearls please

14 Jul

i carry your memory
in the furthest molar
on the right
there you scurry around
banging yourself against
my most tender nerves
you do insist
that you exist
with more vigor
than any other
baby tooth
ghost
i ever
tied to a doorknob
snapped my head back
watched you swing
your bloody body
knocking against wood
i buried you next to
goldie the poodle
because
even at 6
i knew
there was no such thing
as tooth fairies
or permanence

 

well it wasn’t a lily pad

13 Jul

you used to collect my words
under your tongue
sharp bull thistles
in your sigh
you used stuff my love
in your teeth
hollow spaces
make for calcium
rich
nests
you said
while tearing out a molar
with pliers
you used to
make an english maze
of my morning thoughts
run wildly
down my corridors
in fits of fever
tumbleweed
aloe sticky fingers
the sun slinking
like an alley cat
on our horizon
until we were
dusk

Protected: cover your left eye

12 Jul

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i will hold your hand

7 Jul

we keep saying the same things

on our knees

in front of one another

the same pleas

stop killing our

family

stop hurting

our comrades

even if you

pulled us apart

fingers reaching for

one another

placed us in fabricated

asylums

deemed us

in need of medications

that would slowly

harden us to honey

then amber

so you could no longer

hear the screaming

truths

the asking for so much

change

we would curl inside ourselves

quietly becoming pure

energy

whisper into cracks

in the wall

into our sleeve

to any living

creature that

may scuttle out

into our night

i am alive

i will remember

that every voice

large or small

can create a natural disaster

called revolution

Protected: purity is a sham

1 Jul

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