bus stop panic

your body does not yield against
the scratchy pleasure of rope
your feet do not know how to
dance on uneven planks
of rough hewn timber
your blood cannot possibly be skilled enough
to pump your heart loud enough
to drown the call of the waves
so i don’t know why you continue
to insist you are a sailor
bowlegged half hearted promises
of the sights you will show me
one eye open
one hand with fingers crossed
behind your back
but yet you pull that toy spyglass
out of your pocket
close your eyes and point
i see you on horizons
your body pressed against the setting sun
as if to melt against it
ship and all
the stars

the first snow

i didn’t know the bees had made

home in my belly

even though i swallowed

them in secret

those years when love

was scarce enough

to make a person desperate

no i went on living

thinking the faint hum

that would come out into

cold air in electric gasps

was nothing

probably imagined

kind of crazy person

thoughts

but today i coughed up

a dark sticky chunk

of our honeycomb memories

fall in the rainiest season yet

the popping sound of tires

the surprise quiet in my heart

proof that the bees

never stopped working

to preserve us in what might

amount to a handful

of honey

close my eyes once

i made an effigy

with my own

spit

blood

and

heart

then i made wings

with my own

dreams

fears

and

desire

using my teeth

to hold them steady

as i sewed those

wings

to my

back

i stole out one night

quiet as quiet can be

wrapped up that effigy

took flight

there i hung for many years

ornamental as a star

until my wings began to falter

the dreams that held them to my

shoulders

began to crack

the fears that propelled

me

up

up

up

unravelled

the desires

well they

became other desires

so came the time

i had to choose

between

the effigy

mother

or

me

from the roadside

when i found you

you were nestled

in the dirt

a mostly content

somnambulist

instead of picking you up

dusting you off

kissing your

eyelids awake

i took out my favorite

pearl handled knife

and slowly

sliced you open

you slept on

dreaming of ways

to grow a soul

while i dug my

fingers into your

ribcage

yanked out your

meaty little

heart

placed it under my tongue

to suck on

while my greedy fingers

pried you apart

slowly extracting your

skeleton

smoothing out

your akimbo

stance

you ferried on

conciousness

a undiscovered

constellation

you never even

noticed

that i accidentally

maybe

might have

swallowed

your sweet dark

heart

while sewing

your cocoon body

back together

late night flickering

if each of my words
is handful of rocks
in the shape
of my eyes
would you lose some
as you wage
your battles
along the widest river
in your world
would you
throw them
over your shoulder
a handful at a time
tiny smoke bombs
to confuse those
who would attempt to
stop you from
your infinite
searching
scaling
collecting
all of those many
scraps
of mewling souls
you love tuck
under your breastplate
would you bang them
together to make fire
to keep you
warm
if my words are just a box of rocks
will you always
unsee them
as you do now

 

wings made of paper

you
perpetually curled into your
horny shell
slow
slow
slowly
inching along
i tried all of
my best magic
such as
using my special
whistle
the one that
once made a field
of flowers sway my way
then i tried singing
in every language i know
painting my
vocal chords
with gold
so that only the
very regal songs
would find you
i called upon
the forest creatures
in your path to
charm you
welcome you
show you how
to love me
but
your direction
never faltered
your soft mollusk
body
dark glittering shell
sweet honey soul
eyes on the ocean
never on me

along the fence line

there are times you

hide in plain sight

from the very

thing your

soul vibrates

for

you are covered

in reflective

dragon scales

so your true love

will only see themselves

from the edges of

the world

a whisper

i

see

you

nothing

hidey hidey

about

your every

heartbeat

your favorite

nothing

the way you walk

into the sunset

nothing

i am covered

in reflective

dragon scales

so you

will only see

yourself

nothing

Unfuckwithable

From the moment I was born I fought for this. I sipped precious air from a ventilator as my glassy eyed teenage mother looked on, eyes sliding away from me, already wondering when she could get her next fix. I was planning for this.

From the moment I felt father hands on my tiny body that should not have been, I was flexing for this. Late at night counting cracks in the ceiling until it was over. I counted for this. The day I was 12 and I said “I’ll kill you if you do this again” I was in training for this.

From the moments in the schoolyard, pretty dresses and busted lips. Too many to count skinned knees from fighting boys, getting stronger, learning how to deliver the pain. I was priming for this. From the bloodlust roar in my ears and the ancient cry of warriors past, I was making room for this.

From the moments I hitchhiked, teenage runaway taking braces off with a butter knife. From the back of that car I was shoved into against my ineffectual protests. I was looking right into this. From the panties washed in a truck stop sink to the smokey haze of another squat I was honing myself for this.

From the alley fucks and the brawls and the put away innocence. From the mouth full of razors and fists full of glass. From the shank eyes and the bear trap jaw. I was wired tight for this.

Fucking bring it.

I was made for this.

a necklace made of figs

i remember
all of your halo tresses
expensive eyes
moon stone skin
covering
for your jewel bones
but i forgot where you lived
even though i still have
your little dented 
ornate key
i found some of
your wisest thoughts
hanging on boughs
of dead branches
like fat juicy berries
so 
in the forest i am searching
one foot in front of the other
berry stained mouth
in the city i am loitering
flyers with your face on them
watching heads shake no
in the towns i am bell ringing
all of the letters of your name
until all hands are on all ears
in the mountains i am calling
hearing me call back
rock and scabby earth
remember when we had 
esp
a joint or two
whiskey in a smudged glass
patting faces
holding hands
dreaming
of us

lightning bugs

the way i am broken
is big and showy
wildflowers along a
lonesome highway
zig zagging lightning
flash flood warnings
firefly take over
on a texas
summer night
a favorite glass
smashed at my feet
just to hear
how the shards
scatter
across the floor
staring straight at the sun
because i always
take dares
grabbing a fistful
of rose petals
damn the thorns
howling at the full moon
braying like a wild thing
heaving
as the morning
slides her fingers
across my beast heart
how i am broken
is how
i am
whole